Friday, September 19, 2008

Amazing Grace

An update on our Snowflakes adoption story.... We had another ultrasound this week, and our baby's condition has not changed since the diagnosis of acrania. We're still holding out for our miracle, through the prayerful intercession of Pope John Paul II, because nothing is impossible with God. And what our baby needs is the impossible. Bone where there is no bone; a total and complete healing. We did receive a tremendous blessing, though, in coming to discover the baby's sex. So we welcome to the world, though still hidden in the womb, our little girl, Grace Elizabeth. And she is a dancer. In our 22nd week, the images seem so clear. She came waltzing out of the murky shadows of the ultrasound screen, in a dimly lit room at the perinatal testing center. We could see her hands waving, the bones of her tiny fingers, her heart pounding strong and fast. When the technician, Janene, said "It's a girl," I felt such a swell of emotion. Coming to know someone's name has a power in it. It's a privilege actually. And now it strikes me as so much more personal than before... We have a little girl... and we will always have a little girl. Sixteen years from now, come what may, we'll be celebrating her birthday. We'll speak of her, dream of her, talk to her, and if the miracle doesn't come (though in a certain sense it is here already) we'll ask her to wait for us in Heaven. And we'll all look forward to meeting her in that Perfect Place where everything is whole and every tear is wiped away. But here below, this new knowledge is a two-edged sword; even as it helps us cut through a section of the sadness by our naming and knowing our little girl, it tears at us because we must consider all ends; we might have to say goodbye just as we say hello. I know it's not by coincidence that we found this all out on the Feast of Our Lady of Sorrows. Feasts of Mary and the saints have been curiously aligned with our visits and appointments throughout the past couple of years. A comfort on this way of the Cross. Grace Elizabeth.... be strong, be whole, be healed. We love and wait for you. Keep dancing in your watery world as we treasure every second of this journey.
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