Sunday, July 08, 2007

Quick Thought on Quick Decisions

Friday's Gospel was from Matthew 9:9-13:

"As Jesus passed by, he saw a man named Matthew sitting at the customs post. He said to him, "Follow me." And he got up and followed him."

I love it.

It takes me forever sometimes to make a decision. I mean the big ones. Breakfast at a diner, easy. I don't even look at the menu anymore.

But with those biggies.... I often peruse the poolside way too long, as if the water will get warmer the longer I wait. But sometimes I do get the grace to respond to the grace to just JUMP IN.

Sometimes we wait too long. We wait until all the reports are in. Then we wait even longer, because we need to verify those reports, and then get them copied for the "committee" to look over and then form a "follow up report"....

Aboulia is defined as the loss or impairment of the ability to make decisions or act independently.

Did you ever have a case of aboulia? Did you ever get stuck in your own head, doing mental gymnastics, spinning the wheels when it was high time that you just made that stinkin' decision?! I have, many times.

"Follow me." And he got up and followed him." Matthew was swift. He had skills. As the psalmist sings, "My heart is ready Oh God, my heart is ready."

That's trust. I used to stink at it. I still have my stinky days, but I'm living and learning. Because with every invitation of grace, I recall that He is trustworthy. I didn't die the last time (well, except in the proverbial death-to-self way). And even if I should die in this new adventure He calls me into, so be it. Look at the history we have of those who followed Him, died, and we're raised to New Life! A life beyond anything we could ever have cooked up, a life far better than the one that forever falters along the edge of the Poolside of Life, wondering what it's like to really swim.

In the immortal words of Carrie Newcomer (sweet folksinger and dang good lyricist) : "Sometimes you just close your eyes and jump, you don't think too long or maybe you just won't. Sometimes you just follow your heart, don't analyze too long or maybe it might just be gone."

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